среда, 1 апреля 2020 г.

April Fools story...



                            Friendly solidarity

Of Vasily Podkova, cheerful, smiling every joke or apt word a man, do not recognize. During the day he is stupidly silent, avoiding communication with colleagues, at home becomes unusually irritable, and at night for a long time looks at the ceiling, unable to close his eyes. When he finally goes into a sleep, he starts moaning, mutters something incomprehensible as delirium, loudly screams, waves his hands and legs, as if trying to run away from someone.
Beloved wife Nyusya, left the conjugal bed and for several months she has slept alone on the couch. But every time Basil starts screaming in sleep and writhes in agony, she wakes up, comes to her husband's bed. "He's running away from someone again," she says quietly. And two teardrops roll down her face. Returning to herself, she lies down on the couch, turns her face to the wall and plunges into a heavy anxious sleep.
“Vasily, you would you go to the doctor," she said to him one the morning.
"That you all pester to me with your doctors! I'm tired at work, that's the whole disease!” Said, Vasily. And, having breakfast quickly, he goes to work. Nusya escorts Vasily to the door, baptizes him, but so that he does not see. And comes back to the room, with tears in his eyes. Yes, her female endurance can only be envied.
To the factory where Basil works, it is necessary to get, into several modes of transport: to the bus, to the tram, to the trolleybus. But he likes that. In human totality, he is distracted from heavy, oppressive thoughts for a while. However, once on the territory of the plant, he again returns to the world of his nightmares.
Passing through the central entrance on the enterprise, where he worked after graduating from a vocational school about ten years, Horseshoe each time faced a nose to nose with a unique sculptural composition.  This was a monument which is mounted on five cast-iron, cast supports, which in turn rest their ends on the rays of a cast-iron, five-pointed star, which serves as the basis for the entire structure. This еhis composition was crowned by a bronze bust of Vladimir Lenin mounted on the pole of the globe. Such a metaphorical and allegorical monument to him cannot be found in all the vast USSR! This monument in all its harsh beauty began to appear to Vasily at night. But not just as a symbol of the immortality of the leader of the world proletariat appeared for an ordinary member party, what would be understandable. No, it was not so! Every time its coming accompanied by various ugliness, which is unusual for the metal structure.
This monument in five of its cast-iron lag followed, behind Vasiliy on the apartment so that the floorboards under its weight bend and crack and the walls go walker about. And in several steps from have run, the Vasily flies like the rolling sounds of heavenly thunder: “Tovarishch Podkova, where is your off party ticket?!”
Hearing him, Vasily shudders to look back. And as to be in family shorts and T-shirt jumps out of the stairwell, runs out of the house, running through the streets, and behind his back, a heavy tread is heard the metal monster. But he can't break away from the persecutor. And when this monstrous transformer, having overtaken Vasily, begins fast sort through of the cast iron legs, intending to trample him, Podkova shouts in horror and wakes up all wet from cold sweat...
These troubles began after Basil a few months ago, having with his comrades drank too much, after which, so securely hid their the party ticket, that cannot remember when? This is despite the fact that every communist should wear his party ticket at a breast pocket with the left side of his chest - near the heart. And to protect him is better than the apple of his eye.
This red ticket with Lenin’s profile on the front cover not only testifies to the fact that its owner belongs to the vanguard of Soviet society - the CPSU. He also gives the right to advance up the career ladder. And is the bearer of some secret, if you want, of a party’s secret: on its internal pages, the amount of contributions to the party cash desk is recorded monthly, which, after a mandatory check, is sealed with the seal of the secretary of the party organization.
And if accidentally this document put in hand getting of an interested person, say, the beloved wife of Nusa, she will easily figure out what kind of salary her husband receives and how much money he actually brings to the house. And if, God forbid, this happens, will a family scandal. The difference is sometimes striking! And it’s good if it will cost only, are of a family scandal. Offended in the good feelings, a wife can complain to the party organization that her husband is registered with, and after that troubles could fall on him off very big. Up to a strict reprimand. Therefore, of course, many communists hid the party ticket to hell. Systematically have done it and ship repairman Vasily Podkova. And everything would be ok, if not for this annoying case.
Time passed, but the search for a party ticket did not yield results. Vasily, a man in all respects obligatory and disciplined very worried. As and evidenced by his nightmares with the terrible transformer. Unknown how all this would end if it were not for comradely solidarity.
When, after the next the exhausting night spent with the transformer, Vasily came to work, he was met with the secretary of the party organization Viktor Lensky.
“Vasily Sergeevich! For half a year now how you violate party discipline. Give me your party ticket, I must check the number of your contributions to the party cash desk and “sanctify” them with my seal, as required by the charter. To have, we won’t get into trouble. We don’t need it!”
Vasily understood that Lensky right, but once again dismissed his legitimate demand. “Come on, Petrovich, will postpone this matter until better times,” he told the secretary, and, having collected the instrument, he left for the ship, which to was in the repair.
Lensky, also a kind man, but also obligatory in all respects - and these impudent and constant delays of the colleague are already tired of the order. Suspecting something was amiss, he assembled the bureau of the guild party organization, inviting Vasily Podkova to him. Then everything got out! “And what has the memory completely disappeared?” He asked sympathetically Vasily.
“Absolutely,” he admitted. “I rummaged through the entire apartment, trotted through all the books in his a rather poor library, carefully examined the “Short Course in the History of the CPSU”, between the pages of which I usually hid it — there was no party ticket!
“Have you tried to get drunk again to the same extent?” Asked the faithful Leninist Ivan Sidorovich in turn. “Sometimes it enlightens the brain”.
“I tried it,” Vasily honestly admitted. “Did not help…”
The members of the workshop party bureau, old friends of Vasily, were very saddened. And they thought. It was a pity to lose such a reliable companion, proven by years of work and drink. And for the loss of a party ticket a strict reprimand will not cost, they can expel from the party...
“Well, let's drown him,” said Ivan Sidorovich, the wisest and resourceful in their party cell, for which he received the nickname Socrates.
“Whom shall be drowned, Vasya?” Lensky asked in a whisper, experiencing genuine horror at such an offer.
“Yes, not Vasya, but his party card!” Socrates grimaced displeased, surprised at the lack of understanding of his comrades.
“How do you drown him if he’s not there at all?” Replied philosophically another member of the party bureau, Gennady Khorev, dozing in a corner, and before that had not uttered a single word.
After that, all the members of the party bureau and those invited were silent and looked at Ivan Sidorovich, waiting for explanations from him. Socrates, wrinkling his mighty the forehead of the thinker demanded that everyone swear that "nobody and never."
“Honest party! Nobody ever!” All members of the party bureau vowed. After listening to the oath, he set out to his comrades, the plan for further actions...
The next day, when, after the shift was completed, the crew of ship repairmen was returning along the pontoon passage from the floating dock in the workshop, Vasily Podkova unexpectedly slipped on the ice crust and, not having time to grab the safety fence, fell into cold water. Wadded pants and a sweatshirt, which kept Vasily afloat for some time, got wet and began to pull him to the bottom. And he just waved his hands,  opening his mouth, unable to pronounce anything.
“Man overboard!“Shouted someone of the workers.
Ivan Sidorovich, in one motion, removed the lifebuoy from the fence and aptly threw it to the drowning man. Vasily, floundering in cold water like a one-year-old puppy, grabbed a circle with both hands and, awkwardly, swelling, swam to the concrete pier. There, comrades,  on taking uh him up from two sides and dragged him to land. As soon as his trembling feet stepped on solid ground, Vasily, trembling from the cold began frantically fumbling his hands in the pockets of his padded jacket, repeating in a hoarse tragic voice: “Ticket! Where is my ticket!?”
Ivan Sidorovich and other participants in yesterday’s party bureau meeting jumped to him.
“Vasya, what's wrong with you? What else a ticket?” Asked him the secretary of the party organization Lensky. Vasily, continuing to frantically fumble with his hands over his chest, repeated as if in prostration: “Here, on the left side, in my breast pocket, I had a leather purse, and in it was my party ticket... God, what will happen to me now?”
Several workers take-up Vasily, who was barely standing on his feet and crying, by the arms and led at the workshop. In the locker room, they helped him free himself from a wet, heavy robe, and took his comrade to a hot shower.
Other taking shovels and hooks kept raking the littered surface of the water near the pontoon, in the very place where their friend had just barely didn't drown, trying to catch the wallet, in which was the party ticket. But and they, being not found anything, across of half-hour dispersed.
Coming back to home, Ivan Sidorovich, nicknamed Socrates, who came up with, organized and carried out this performance, smiled rather: “Well, the actor, Vaska, played great! He can would be acting in a movie,  instead of work webbing at the factory..."
What happened to a member of the Communist Party, foreman Vasily Podkova received had a great response. This case was heard at meetings of the party committee of the plant, the Black Sea Shipping Company and the regional committee of the party, he was investigated by a specially created commission. But nothing reprehensible was found in the actions of the drummer of Communist labor, an exemplary family man Vasily Podkova. On the day the incident occurred, he was sober and adequate. This was confirmed by his many colleagues and comrades in the party. However, for negligence, the loss of a party ticket, Podkova was reprimanded with the entry in the registration card. It couldn’t be otherwise!
Six months later, the secretary party organization of the workshops Lensky, without any fuss, in a narrow circle of comrades, handed Vasily a brand new party ticket with Lenin's profile on the front cover.
When everyone involved in this case gathered to traditionally drunk his successful completion, Ivan Sidorovich went up to his younger colleague and patted him on the shoulder in a friendly manner.
“Well, I hope, Vasya, now you understand what friendly solidarity is?” Said triumphantly Socrates, who loved spectacular scenes.
Vasily was smiling guiltily, showing tacitly sincere gratitude to his comrades for all they had done for him. The main thing, he thought, now he will not be disturbed by this terrible transformer. Finally, his beloved wife Nyusya will return to the marital bed, never knowing the cause of his "illness".
August evening was quiet and peaceful.  Vasily Podkova has been blessedly smiled walked slowly in the sycamore alley, purring something under his nose. From the excess of feelings, he wanted to make happy, if not the whole world, at least his beloved wife Nyusнф. And from the breadth of the feelings gushing over him, he bought a huge bouquet of bright orange chrysanthemums. Pleased with myself, he entered the house, runs up on the fifth floor and kissed wife, which opened the door, on the cheek with uncharacteristic his elegance. And handed her a bouquet of blazing fire...
Nusya, was surprised by such a change in her husband’s mood, gave served him a hot dinner. And, very happy, quietly retired to her room. Vasily, with appetite gobbling up roast beef form both cheeks, drew attention to some strange object lying on his kitchen table to his left. It was reminding him of something very familiar. His heart started beating fast, fast, like a thief caught in a crime scene. Ceasing to chew, he looked around, and, not seeing his wife next to him, timidly held out his hand. Sensations did not deceive him: it was a party ticket which he had lost!
“Nusya! Nusya!” Shouting he, choking, and not yet knowing what he would tell the wife and what he would answer him.
“Where did you find him?” Asked he wife in a voice, in which united in one and fear of exposure, and shame, and a plea for mercy. And he showed Nusya the ticket. “Where-where? I cleaned the apartment, pushed the bedside table to clean, have a look, and there he lies covered in dust," answered she. And looked at her husband with her blue innocent eyes. And Vasily clearly realized that his free life ended. Now, he will have to report to the wife for every ruble spent. At the same time, he was incredibly grateful to the wife that she did not a scandal and did not ask about anything else. That night, for the first time in several long months, Vasily and Nyusya shared the conjugal bed.
After stormy lovemaking, they lay in bed, looking at each other in the eye, not talking about anything. From today, they have been connected by one terrible secret. And this secret was more than their long-term love...